Thursday, July 3, 2014

Thursday Thoughts: Paying it back to pay it forward

Maybe it's because I'm getting older or maybe it's just because I know what I want in my life now that I've changed a lot recently.  Things that I used to like before no longer have the same appeal to me now.  People who I used to have fun with, I outgrew.  The favors and debts I used to shrug off, are now my one of my top priorities.

I can't even begin to tell you how bad I am with budgeting.  Money, time, energy, you name it and I'll spend it.  I was heavily influenced by my grandparents growing up so I was used to getting what I wanted, when and where I wanted it.  Basically, they spoiled me rotten - my grandmother never worked a day in her life and constantly advised me to "marry rich" so I could be taken care of like she was.  See, this is where the spending gene comes from.

My parents both worked full-time to support my 4 siblings and I but my dad was very stingycareful on how we budgeted the income so we were able to afford nice things and go on vacations and things that most other families as big as ours couldn't.  So, you see, budgeting and saving is in my DNA too, but it gets overshadowed by my spending gene more often than not.

I had the "live fast, die young and pretty" motto growing up, which led me down some pretty dangerous paths.  It wasn't until I met Joey that I realized "hey, maybe I should slow the fuck down for a bit", and so I did.  I worked full-time and started going to school full-time but I still had a selfish outlook on life and up until recently, my motto was "but, what's in it for me?"

Okay, that may not sound very selfish depending on how you look at it.  Some may even say that it is a good motto to live by and sending the message of never letting others take advantage of you, always looking out for yourself, and staying ambitious.  That's all true.  It is important to look out for yourself, because when you really think about it, you're all you've got, toots.

But, what if you're the one taking advantage of others to "get yours"?  If you're constantly running around like a toddler on a sugar-rush saying "gimme gimme" to everyone and expecting handouts at every opportunity, that's not looking out for yourself - that's just being a douche.  And nobody likes that.  But, that's what I was doing.  Receiving favors and gifts from people without repaying them, racking up some major debt and thinking that if I just threw the bill away, it'd be like it never happened.  Boy, was I wrong.

After taking a step back and reevaluating my life, my passion, and my goals, I've realized how important it is to repay your debts, favors, and acts of kindness.  Not giving a shit about others and putting things off will only turn around and bite you in the ass eventually.  And probably when you least expect it.  That's karma, bitches.

I'm not saying I'm all high and mighty now because I found inner peace or some kind of bullshit like that.  All I'm saying is that at 28 years old, I should have a savings account by now.  I should be using my money to get out of debt, not get more into it.  And if I choose to use my time, energy, and money on something, it should be something that is worth it, not something I'll forget about or throw away later on.

We all have to start getting our lives together at some point, and the only way to start is from the inside out.  I can't put out positive energy if I have the negative stuff still lingering around.  I can't focus on my dream business if I don't have any money to invest in it.  There's no such thing as starting fresh when it comes to credit, so I have to pull up all those old bills and notices and start paying them off slowly.  It'll be hard work, but it's something that has to be done.  These banks and companies invested in me, so I have to repay that to invest in my future and the future of my family.

And even though I am still spending money (because I really can't just stop doing it altogether - baby steps), I'm doing it a little more wisely now.  Shopping only for things we need, saving a little money here and there for emergencies, and returning the favors others have given me.  I don't want to just be the person who has it all anymore.  I want to be the person who has enough to be happy and shares the rest.

Now it's time for you to share your thoughts!  What life lessons have you had to cope with lately?  How wisely do you spend your money and energy?  Do you have debt skeletons in your closet that need to be cleared out?  Let's kick all that negative shit out together!


  1. I've been pretty good about my budget lately, but I have a problem, with my friends. They always always want to go out, and going out means going out to eat, and to watch movies, and I don't really want to spend money when I'm out with them, especially since I can just eat at home, or watch movies on netflix at home...

    xxDenysia Yu

  2. You were right. We share the same brain space girl! I totally understand the spending issue; only difference is that I grew up without a lot and now feel like I need everything because I can get it myself. We have to stop and we can help each other. P.S. I need to see your haircut!! Also, is it weird that I read your blog post before I write mine in the morning?

  3. Well...I'll tell you. My little skeleton is my house. My husband fell in love with our house last year and although it is beautiful, every week I want to add something pretty to it. so there goes my money. Also, I am in love with traveling (whaaat do you mean?!?) and this house better not dig in to my travel adventures, so this is why we are taking two trips in July. lol

    So there, that's where my money is going...yikes! House and travel!
    Andie's Traveling Pants

  4. I am 27 and I do not spend frivolously but I have no money. Every bit I have goes to bills and daycare. I have learned how to live on barely anything because thats the only choice I have. I hope once I start my career this will carry over and I will be able to save because Im used to just barely getting by.

  5. Oh my god - I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming but I'm proud of you for realizing that you need to buckle down. Yes it's true we spoiled you kids but we had the finances to do it.

    Take it slow and budget. Dad and I will always be here for all of you when you need us but we expect that you all will be able to handle your own affairs too.

    The grandbabies are another story because grandparents are allowed to spoil them so another package may be coming in the mail or with our "courier" next week.

    So, how much do you owe your parents now? Lol!!! Bwahaha

  6. Ahh so spot on. Im terrible with spending but Im honestly trying to be better about it!

  7. Ah, yes. I hear ya. It takes time. I was the opposite. Had enough but not a ton as a child and an adult, when I want something...I want it. Although, to my credit, the things I want aren't extravagant. But still...savings.

  8. i'm working on being better with spending too. maybe give yourself a monthly budget for fun things so then you'll think more about buying little things and figure out if you really need them or what. good luck with your goals!


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