Sorry for Wednesday's (okay, yesterday's because I was late) confessions being sort of a downer. I'm just currently in a phase of my life where it seems like everyday there's a new problem to deal with and another issue to add to the volumes of others I already have. I'm trying to stay positive, trying to look ahead and push forward for a better future but sometimes (more often, lately) I feel like just giving up. I just want to throw my hands up in defeat and say "Okay, universe you win!" and then crawl in a hole in the middle of nowhere to die.
I know that there are others who have it worse. I try to keep a straight face most of the time even when I feel like jabbing my blue needlepoint pen into someone's eye because I know that there are worse things than having someone blame you for not getting to the phone fast enough. There are worse things than having to uproot your entire life and move during the holiday season because your brother who moved in with you a year ago started going down a destructive path and instead of making him go back home and get help your parents decided to give him yet ANOTHER chance to try and turn his life around and offer him an even bigger space in the house you and your family have lived in for a total of 6 years and you can't really do anything about it because it still technically is their house. There are worse things than already drowning in $20k worth of medical and dental bills yet still having to go in for yet another procedure and another toothache. It could be worse, I know.
There is still a life for me to live and enjoy. I've got a super sexy guy who will fight for me and do whatever it takes to make me happy, I have three incredibly smart/goofy/sincere kids who keep me on my toes, I've got a sister who I have the most random conversations with and who I can always count on for a good laugh and I've got awesomely supportive blog/internet friends (that means you) who never cease to amaze me with their inspiration and motivation to continue to seek happiness and thrive.
Right now my life is like a rollercoaster - and I hate rollercoasters - going up slowly and then rushing down with nothing to grab on to and no sense of control. Stomach turning, heart racing, head pounding, tears falling, can't breath kind of feeling. Just wanting to close my eyes until I feel the relief of the swoop signaling the start of another rise. I guess it's better than being stuck on a carousel, going around and around and around...but why can't I just sit on the side and watch everyone else while I eat my nachos and roasted turkey leg instead?
Again, I'm sorry for being such a drag lately, but this is a blog about my life and that's my life lately. We can't shit rainbows and unicorns all the time - sometimes shit gets constipated - I mean complicated. But still, I'm just gonna keep trying to send out good, positive vibes and enjoy myself this weekend. I've already got big plans for decorating, designing, and of course some retail therapy lined up.
What about you? What were your highs and lows this week? What are your plans for the weekend?