Thursday, January 22, 2015

Write or Die: Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda...

Okay, first off, I can’t think of “no regrets” without thinking of the “No Ragrets” tattoo from the movie, We’re the Millers.  Anyway.

Back in my rebellious, destructive teenage years, I would boast and brag about having “No Regrets! (Woohoo!)” and living my life however I pleased because “I do what I like”, and all that shit.  See, back then I thought I was pretty badass.  And as a naïve teenage girl, “badass” meant drinking, smoking, modeling and gogo dancing, getting invited to the VIP area, being famous and having people send me gifts and treat me to things.  Basically, I was Miley Cyrus - even though at the time she was still 'Hannah Montana'.

Because I was such a badass, I thought “why the fuck do I need college?  I make $500 a weekend just hanging out at the club!” so I stopped going to my classes.  I said, “what’s the harm in posting my life on the internet?  My fans want to meet me in person!” and I gained stalkers.  I figured, “I’d rather die young and pretty than old and ugly” so I drank a lot, drove drunk if I had to and parked my car on random side streets downtown to sleep if I couldn’t make it home.  My whole life revolved around myself and my selfish ways because I figured that nobody else gave a shit, the only person who would look out for me was me.

And then I met Joey.

No, it’s not like the heavens opened up and his angelic face appeared in the clouds - we’re being real here.  We met, we talked, we hung out, we made out – and I thought it was like the other young teenage love stories that I had already gone through (and no, I won’t mention how many times) – but with him it was different.  He saw past all my bullshit.

He didn’t care about how much money I made or what celebrity I rubbed elbows with.  He was over that already.  He treated me like an adult, and I grew up quick and learned that when you’re in a real adult relationship, you can’t be acting like a child.  He showed me that it didn’t have to be “live fast, die young” all the time and that there was so much more to life than social status.

I’m older now (28, yikes!) and we have 3 crazy/wonderful kids and when I compare my life now to how it was before, I can’t help but feel a little bit of regret towards certain decisions I’ve made in the past.

I regret not finishing school and trying hard enough while I was still there.  I regret being such a bitch to some people and using them for my personal gain.  I regret being so careless about my body and my values.  I regret feeling so selfish and spiteful that I almost ruined my relationship.  But most of all, I regret that it took me this long to realize that to live a life with no regrets is impossible.  I am constantly growing, learning and changing along with the rest of the world.

Worrying about the past won't change it, but learning from the past can lead to a much better future.

8 comments:

  1. I think as you grow up and you learn that your life is more than about partying, you start to be responsible. But you know, I think partying every once in a while is okay as well. :)

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  2. I'm on the same page with you my friend. Before I had my son I was self-destructing because I didn't really care that much about my life. I look back at how much further I could be in life if I hadn't spent so much time drinking my nights and my money away. We are in a better position now and I know that those experiences will be lessons we can pass along to our children.

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  3. A celebrity huh?? Not something I woulda guessed about you. I'm intrigued.
    Isn't it ironic that at that time, you thought you were living without regret, and here you are years later, living with regret? Well, kinda. I mean, I don't think you regret in a negative way. I think you regret in the way that makes you realize how you could do better now (which is how you ended the post). That's great. People who actually live with regret, cursing their present, are the ones who lose out in life.

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  4. And im over here wanting to hear more about your celeb life!!! hehe. We all have a past. I shudder for some to hear of mine since you know im a lawyer now and all ... But man it is a past for a reason. Gone.

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  5. everyone has done things in their past they regret; it's what you take away from those lessons that counts. taking the mistakes you've made and putting what you've learned towards your future/making yourself a better person is important. age does that to you - the older you get, the more you realize what a tool you were in your youth but isn't that what life is all about? experiences that make you learn, that shape who you are and where/what you want to do.

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  6. I think that we have all done things in the past that we regret or wish we would have done/handled differently. I try not to dwell on it too much. You cant get that time back, so why waste time now thinking about it? Easier said than done...I know I know...If only we could tell our past selves what we know now. Right??

    Ummm what celebs are you rubbing shoulders with though? Haha!

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  7. girrl, I didn't know you used to be famous! I mean, it doesn't surprise me, but damn that's awesome! I definitely have a few less-than-stellar moments from my stupid/crazy rebellious college days too. But it sure was fun. And the memories were totally worth the hangovers/ expensive bar tabs, etc. I agree with Nadine: WHO WERE THEY CELEBS. stop teasing us!

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