Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Tuesday Tips: On Picking Your Battles


Anyone who has been in a serious relationship knows that it isn't all sunshine and roses and champagne.  Sometimes it gets tough.  Really really really tough.  And if you're a smart, strong-willed, confident, passion-driven person like me, chances are it's hard for you to just bite the bullet sometimes (or at all) especially during a disagreement.  And, it's damned near impossible to do so when you're right - and you're always right.  Right?  RIGHT.

Unfortunately, life isn't all black and white or right and wrong.  There are lots of gray areas that you need to figure out and lots of in-betweens that you need to balance.  A relationship is one giant grey area.  Winning an argument against your spouse or significant other doesn't necessarily make you feel good about your win.  Sometimes you have to be wrong.  Sometimes you don't need to add in that last remark.  Sometimes maybe you just need to shut the fuck up and let it go.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying to be a doormat and have people walk all over you.  If it's important, speak up.  But, if it's an argument about who's to blame for the toilet paper facing the wrong way or who's turn it is to take out the trash or cook dinner - get over it and move on.  What are you really gaining by winning that argument?  You're both in a bad mood at the end of it so who really wins?

If you don't know how to pick your battles and how to let go of the little things, you'll lose sight of the bigger picture - the partnership and love that you both share.  Little arguments will turn into bigger ones and those big arguments can ultimately ruin everything if they get too out of hand.  People can say hurtful things they don't really mean or do things out of spite when they're angry.  Don't let one hurtful comment or one selfish act ruin your entire relationship. 

Think.  Take a step back.  Let it go.

Just so you know, my relationship is FAR from perfect.  Joey and I argue, we fight, and sometimes we say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment.  But, we also know when to stop, how not to take things too far, how to walk away from an argument and not take it around with us, how to apologize, and how to forgive.  There is still a lot that we need to improve on both individually and as a couple.  But that's a relationship: learning and growing together.

What do you do when you get into an argument with your spouse/significant other?  How do you both resolve the situation?  What are some things you're trying to work on?

10 comments:

  1. love this post. KC and I used to bicker a lot, but we are so so so much better now. I am definitely a 'last remark' kind of girl, but over the last couple years we've both gotten better. We still fight of course, but you are right - I am not winning anything by getting mad and yelling about how he NEVER puts the towels away properly (or anything for that matter. he thinks if he puts it in the same closet/cabinet it must be in the right spot, um no), i just put the towels away myself. he used to nag me about leaving socks / shoes / tissues everywhere but he doesn't anymore. and i pick them up most of the time. i think you need to bicker about the small stuff first, but then you have to learn to adapt and grow together. it helps you conquer the big stuff, i think.

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  2. I completely agree with you, you certainly have to chose your battles!!! No one wants a constantly nagging spouse. There are things that my husband does that drives me absolutely batty. But I know that I dont shit rainbows and I annoy him sometimes too. It is about finding that happy balance, and only pushing when it is something really important to you.

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  3. Yep, relationships take work and definitely picking your battles is key. If it's really bothering me over a long period of time, I gotta speak up. Sometimes it's not well-received and then a fight starts. Other times, it leads to a good discussion. I like that we get stuff out in the open. The thing I'm trying to work on is controlling my emotions, not to have outbursts, and not to do it in front of the kids.

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  4. I agree... it's ALL about picking your battles. I've definitely learned this!

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  5. Ugh, but isn't everything like in the movies? All rom-com sweet and shit? I didn't get that memo... [just kidding!]

    What annoys me the most is that my hubby and I are both super stubborn - fine - so we'll both pick fights when trying to be right. BUT I yell for 2 minutes and get over it...as in totally move on and start a normal convo....yet it takes hubby like an hour (or more, depending on the sitch) to move the fuck on. Seriously - so annoying. Because sometimes I don't end up bringing up shit that I *do* think is important b/c it's poor timing to have him be pissy for hours.

    end rant.
    haha

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