Monday, August 29, 2016

Shit My Kids Say: Vol. 2

Driving home from Chuck E. Cheese's:

Trace:  I like this ball, it smells so good.
Aniyah:  Huh?  What smells so good about it?
Joey and I look at each other and start to laugh.
Joey:  Nai, that doesn't really make sense.  Try again.
Aniyah:  What doesn't make sense about it?
Joey:  You shouldn't say 'what smells so good about it', you say 'WHY does it smell good to you'.
Aniyah:  OHHHHH.  Trace, why does it smell good to you?
Trace:  It smells new.
Aniyah:  What smells so new about it?
Me:  Niyah, really?  'About it' again?
Aniyah:  Yeah, I don't know why I always have to say 'about it'.
Me:  Thank God school started again.  Now you can study up on your language arts.  You've spent too much time talking in text codes.
Joey:  Text codes?
Me:  Yeah, she always says 'Mom, BRB.  RQ.'
Joey:  What the heck does that mean?
Aniyah:  BRB means 'be right back', RQ means 'real quick', WAYD means 'what are you doing' and FR means 'for real'.
Joey and I both roll our eyes.
Trace:  Oh, I know what BFG means!  'Bad for girls'. 
We all start laughing.
Aniyah:  Okay Trace, so what does BFB mean?  'Bad for boys'?
Trace:  No.  'Bad for bitches'.

Another car ride:

Trace:  You guys have to call me Uncle Trace.
Aniyah:  What?  Why?
Chloe:  Yeah, Trace.  You're not older than us and you're not our uncle.
Trace:  Yes I am older than you.  I was born in 1998.
Chloe:  Trace, if you were born in 1998 you'd be dead by now.
Aniyah:  Chloe, if he was born in 1998 he'd only be 18, not an old man.

At a bridal shower, watching the 'toilet paper wedding dress' game:

Trace walks past and stares at the teams getting ready to start putting their toilet paper on their 'brides'.
Trace:  Well.  This looks dumb.

The day after the kids get a haircut:

Chloe:  Mom, I just love my hair.  Aniyah says it makes me look older.  How old do I look?
Me:  Umm...10?
Chloe:  Okay, what about now?
She parts her hair in the middle and brings it to the front.
Chloe:  Do I look like those people who like go to middle school?
Me:  What?
Chloe:  You know, the people who are older but they're my height?
Me:  Midgets?
Chloe:  NO.  Never mind.  You just don't get it.


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